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Man, do I have some background information for you about this script. In my book, Too Close to the Ground, Russell and Chris goes out in the woods to film a movie for drama class. In the book, I only show part of the movie, but with this script you get to see the whole thing.
Scene: In a deep, dark forest wonders two teenagers, Russell and Chris. Russell is holding a video camera because they are filming a movie for drama class. There are trees, one dead lying on the ground, and bushes surrounding them on the trail they are on. RUSSELL: Man, this is boring. There are no such things as zombies and we're never going to find any. CHRIS (pausing for a moment while he sniffs the area like a dog, he then whispers to the camera): I smell dead people. Russell shakes his head as they walk a little farther while Chris keeps sniffing the air. Rattling sounds come from a bush in front of them. Russell spins around with the camera. RUSSELL: What was that? CHRIS (in a playful voice): It's just some furry woodland creature. From the bush, a chipmunk comes flying at Chris's face. CHRIS (while spinning around): Oh, my God! Chippy the Cheerful Chipmunk isn't so cheerful! Russell tries to keep the camera focused on Chris, but he keeps moving too fast. Chris pulls the chipmunk off his face, making it look like it took a lot of strength to do so. He then throws the chipmunk down and pins it down. CHRIS: Who's your daddy? Chris rolls over so the chipmunk has him pinned down. CHRIS: Okay, so you're my daddy. Chris throws Chippy back into the bushes from his current position. He gets back up on his feet and dusts himself off. RUSSELL: Are you okay, Chris? CHRIS: Yeah, I'm fine, Russell. I think that someone or something is making all the furry woodland creatures go loony. From the dead tree lying on the ground, a parrot squawks at them. PARROT: We're not loony. CHRIS (exited): Holy craft macaroni and cheese. It's a talking bird! RUSSELL (puts his hand on Chris' shoulder): Uh, Chris. Parrots can talk. CHRIS: Wow, really? He scratches his head. I didn't know that. PARROT: Get lost. We're not loony. You're loony. CHRIS (going after the parrot): Why I outta! Chris strangles the parrot. PARROT: My grandmother can strangle better than you can! CHRIS: You chicken! A VOICE FROM OFF STAGE: Stop! From off the stages comes DUSTIN, the forest ranger. He wears a forester suit and a black cape. Dustin has a British accent. DUSTIN: What in the bloody nation are you doing to that poor bird? CHRIS: Quick, go call an old priest and a young priest, Satan possesses this bird. DUSTIN: Right... RUSSELL: Don't look at me. DUSTIN: You know what you punk kids are? CHRIS: Punk kids? DUSTIN: No, you're just happy meals with legs. RUSSELL: Really? Wow. How come there isn't happy face on my shirt? DUSTIN: Shut your bloody trap. I'm a vampire here and I'm going to suck your blood. CHRIS: Well that gives a new meaning to the phrase, "bite me." Dustin comes toward Chris, but he pulls out a wooden cross and stops Dustin dead in his tracks (no pun intended). RUSSELL: Who's the happy meal now? DUSTIN: What? That makes no sense. Why would you want to eat me? CHRIS: Well, ugh...Mr. Parrot would. Chris throws the parrot at Dustin. He wrestles around with it for awhile before he falls on the ground dead. RUSSELL: Well, I'm glad he's dead. DUSTIN (raises back up): I'm not dead. CHRIS (giving him the look): Oh, really. DUSTIN: Oh, wait. Now I am. Falls back down. Chris and Russell walk off stage. DUSTIN (sits up): Well, at least they didn't attack me with a cow. A cow falls on Dustin. COW: Moo. |